21. in recovery from anorexia b/p sub type. Big dreams for a big life. Happiness starts now. "The most powerful weapon on earth is the human soul on fire.”
Girl at college: I’m on a high protein diet, so I’m not eating any carbs or fruit (eats little fried balls of chicken)
Me: (eating fruit and yogurt) Why don’t you eat fruit
Girl: It’s got too much sugar
Me: who told you that?
Girl: My doctor
Me: is your Doctor a dietician?
Me: argument irrelevant and invalid.
This week has been absolutely horrendous. I started boxing on Monday again because I can’t continue to wait to be entirely better because then I’ll never train. I feel fat and horrible, spent the last two nights crying in bed because I have no girl friends what so ever and I can’t really understand why.
Basically I’ve been a big fat ball of pathetic this week and I just want it to end.
Cant stop eating bad foods
Iast night my sister was telling me how her one friend who is severely over weight is currently using fat burners, after googling I ended up speaking to someone else about them who told me our one mutual friend sells them which then got me thinking about how easy it would be to gain access to them.
Obviously I changed my mind and recognized how disordered that thought process was and I went to bed knowing I am in recovery and how bad diet pills are for the body in any case.
This morning I logged onto tumblr and on my dash was a before and after image of a girl who had anorexia and is now recovered. Her story was amazing like many other girls and it really made me wonder when I will start loving my recovered body, they all say how much happier then are and don’t get me wrong I am 100 times happier then what I was, but they also say how much they love their bodies now and I honestly hardly feel that way about mine…If I’m not avoiding it completely I am staring at it wondering if I feel okay not being at my thinnest and wondering what other people think when they see me, am I too fat here and are my back bones still showing and if they are then everything is okay and if they aren’t then I’m blaming yesterdays intake which is ridiculous since my meals are 90% made up of fruit and vegetables.
Anyway, this constant tug of war in my head honest sucks so much because I just want to be okay with food and myself and not being able to exercise when I am sick and not freak out about it either. Am I the only one in recovery who feels this way?? :( someone please tell me I’m not! Oh and now I’m seeing someone and I think I have to tell him about my ed but I’m not sure what to say in fear of how he will react, I know if he does get freaked out then I suppose he isnt worth my time but I do like him and I don’t want him to think I am weirder then what I already am…
I just want this all to stop.
So true <3
Hey guys : )
So I’ve been man down for about a week now, since my JB night, and it’s been honestly horrendous, I was on far too much medication which was just making me feel so much worse and all I wanted to do was sleep, I kind of still feel like I need endless amounts of sleep but I’m feeling better so instead I’m getting on with life :)
I was just curious, do you guys eat more when you are sick? Because honestly I feel like I havent stopped eating for the last two days. It’s slightly concerning because I’m so hungry like in my stomach that I can’t say no, I haven’t eaten too badly but it’s more than usual, like today I’ve had:
and that’s it so far, I intend on having chicken soup for dinner with provitas and some goats cheese which is my usual anyway.
It seems like I’m seriously craving carbohydrates, completely out of the ordinary since I usually steer away from the kind of stuff? I mean, I’m not freaking out over calories yet because it’s only been like this for two days and I guess a little bit over your usual can’t hurt right??
I’m just really confused, please can someone explain why I want to eat all these carbs?